Unicheck is Going Wild: Hilarious New Year’s Resolutions

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The New Year is coming and in spite of the fact that days are getting colder and dimmer, celebration will definitely be warm, hearty and hopefully not a snoozefest.

Beginning of the year is the best time to set up a goal for new achievements, or on the contrary, get rid of old annoying habits. Unicheck team has also been thinking about our New Year’s resolutions, but instead this is what we ended up with.

What are the New Year’s Resolutions and Where Did It Come From?

The tradition to create resolutions for the next year has deep roots and long history. The first reference is dated about 4,000 years ago in Babylon. There, New Year started in the middle of March, the time for planting crops and coronating a new king.

In the New Year’s Eve Babylonians made promises to pagan Gods they honored in order to make their lives better. If a promise was kept, people got indulgence and blessing; if not, they fell in disgrace (the worst thing that could ever happen to them). To avoid rage of Gods, Babylonians also had to return borrowed things and pay all debts.

How Did It Get to Our Time?

Later the tradition found itself in ancient Rome during the reigning of Julius Caesar. Due to this remarkable emperor, celebration of New Year was scheduled for a new date, January 1st.

Named after two-faced God Janus, January had a symbolic meaning for Romans. They believed that Janus glanced forward to the future and looked back through the past, since places of his inhabiting were arches and doorways. To get their blessing, Romans used to make perspective promises for the next year.

In 1740 the tradition has landed in Western Europe.

Founder of Methodism John Wesley proposed new type of services to do by church, “Covenant Renewal Services”. This is a night praying and singing, performed instead of festivity and partying during New Year and Christmas. Though it has nothing in common with Roman tradition, modern Christians also make promises to their God, while praying.

Nowadays, New Year’s resolutions have nothing to do with religion or mystical implication. They are mostly focused on “earthly” staff, such as “visit ten new countries”, “lose 20 pounds”, “learn to play guitar”, etc. and are given by people to themselves only (may be that’s why they are so difficult to follow through).

Unicheck’s Team Resolutions for the Year of 2018  

For Unicheck there are lot of things to promise before New Year comes as well. Since it is not just a tool to use for education, but a huge group of people who care, a list of resolutions to keep was created. The most remarkable of them were chosen to share with the readers.

This Year Unicheck Developers Will:

  • Study human language.
  • Stop integrating outside Unicheck’s office.
  • Avoid “coding” their Facebook status.
  • Fix it.

Unicheck Writers Will:

  • At last give up their fountain pens.
  • Get Linux administrator certificates.
  • Stop messaging and being grammatically correct.
  • Write even more interesting blog posts.  
  • Stop growing plants (we are on a brink of working in a jungle here).

Office Management Will:

  • If the office did turn into a jungle, deliver all monkeys to the zoo.
  • Not get tangled in a garland.
  • Get a kitten.
  • Stop ordering so much food (we’re trying to lose weight here).
  • Pump up muscles.

Unicheck Sales and Marketing Team Will:

  • Provide seamless customer experience.
  • Learn the art of seduction.
  • Stop trying to sell food quality detector at home dinners.
  • Possess a mystery of hypnosis.
  • Stop making so many Excel tables.

HR’s Will

  • Hire a toastmaster.
  • Stop asking strangers about their working experience.
  • Learn being nice to extraordinary people.
  • Avoid looking for 25 year employees with 30 year experience.
  • Stop contacting in case of positive decision only.

Support Department Will:

  • Learn to write in Mandarin, Urdu and Bahasa.
  • Improve anger management skill.
  • Throw multicultural parties every weekend.
  • Follow path of Buddhism.
  • Never mind.

Scientists Will:

  • Ask Emma on a date.
  • Visit a nightclub once in a lifetime.
  • Start communicating with live people.
  • Get a Nobel Prize.

Unicheck Designers WIll:

  • Show their true colors.
  • Balance team’s RGB.
  • Forward their vectors to the point.
  • Create a picture to this post.

Speaking generally, this year Unicheck team promises to “gain weight” (unlike skinny stars of Instagram) with its grateful clients and happy customers. Lots of updates and good experience is waiting for you in  2018.

And for now get a small New Year’s bonus: if you don’t have enough time to prepare your homework, here is 10 top homework excuses to soothe your teacher’s heart (or set up a resolution for the upcoming year).